'Twas IP: 203.106.64.59 Posted on November 12, 2002 at 02:26:56 AM by Onion
...a silent night and the roads were dark save for the swath of light pouring from the few streetlights left untouched by the neighbourhood hooligans. A watchman sauntered by, his breath a mist in the chilly night as he looked around him - crisscross of cobbled roads flanked by wooden houses built on top of another, their occupants seeking the brief refuge of sleep from the harshness of their life.
The stout watchman gave a sigh, and turned back to route his way to the guardhouse. Hardly a step was taken when he heard a groan coming from a nearby alley - a man, and by the sound of it, obviously distressed.
It was a watchman's duty to investigate, and what he found was this: a (place your preferred height here) man whose face he had always seen adorning various form of media - newspapers, magazines, the moving picture, you can name it all... the famous (insert preferred j-rocker's name here) was lying prone on the ground at the back of the alley, concious but barely coherent. Whoever was it who had done him in had taken none of his money, instead making away with most of his clothings. All, in fact, when the watchman took away the newspaper covering the poor man's modesty.
"Oh no," the watchman gasped in terror, "The Fangirls have struck again!"
(What are the Fangirls? Will they ever be caught for their dastardly deeds towards innocent j-rockers? What did the watchman see underneath the newspaper??)